Applicants Need Not Apply

Applicants Need Not Apply!

 

            Having sifted through the numerous profiles, pictures and versatile lingo attached to the paragraph used to describe the applicants online, I came upon a startling revelation. Some of these people were MARRIED or had a serious relationship but wanted an “adventure”. More often than not, they disclosed or hinted at this status: the former being the most prevalent. The blunt disclosure was meant to entice a man or woman that was absolutely okay with an affair or a sexual encounter without the obligations of a true relationship: romance, courtship, responsibility, rearing children now or in the future, and bill paying.

            I think if there were no success to this fishing technique, there wouldn’t be any of these types of predators. Yes, I consider them as dangerous as the escaped convict profile only their suit and candor veils the vulgar aspect of their proposal. Again, if they did not succeed at their mission, they would less likely be on the site with this proposal. In other words, if less women were likely to entertain the proposal, then men would be embarrassed. Okay I can hear the moans and protests of the women audience, “Oh blame it on the woman!” Yes, I blame it partially on the women because it’s our wet porthole that they want and we are in control of giving it away or making them earn it.

             Personally, this is merely a form of prostitution.

Without getting paid.

            I managed to find myself exchanging emails with a man that hinted at what he wanted. At this point, dating had taken on more of an investigative element; I agreed to a lunch to see for myself the male behind the profile that offers this proposition. Needless to say I was nervous because accepting the “lunch” meant for him that I may also be enticed by the offer. What the hell? I wasn’t giving anything away. I wanted to see how this kind of thing went down and why.

            I met this man who frankly reminded me of my sixty year old ex father in law. I suppose I had wanted him to be the less typical stereotype: OLD. We met at a very public restaurant-his choice, and I was impressed by it. I think that’s the first step of luring a person into the relationship. IMPRESS them. Mind you, I am an independent woman that is able to lunch, dine and wine where she wants so “impressing’ me with his choice in the restaurant, not that I was eating at that restaurant.

            We proceeded to a booth after a brief exchange of introductions and after the waitress read off the succulent lunch list, he proceeded with the proposal. There was nothing discreet about his flirtation or his apparent desire for me. As I ate my bread and gulped on water, I stared at this man (who conveniently had shed his wedding ring) and was torn between laughing out loud and literally crying for his wife and possibly his children.  I pictured her sitting at home with a grandchild or tending to her garden, while this man was soliciting a sexual encounter. And I pictured the many women that accepted at one time or another.

            As appetizers I arrived, I simply couldn’t stand keeping my mouth shut. I asked point blankly, “Why does a married man do this?” I expected him to jerk away or tense up, but he looked at me straight in the eye and said he was not getting at home what he wanted. In other words, no sex or the intimacy he was looking for.
            “Is she a paraplegic?” I asked knowing I dripped with sarcasm. Not that I thought it would be okay to wander sexually because a person was handicapped, but what did that mean? We don’t get what we always want. We marry with the notion that our partner will be thriving as he/she was when we initially fell in love with them. Yes, children, debt and life’s complexities challenge a marriage, but isn’t that the true meaning of love?

I listened patiently, avoiding the urge to hurl when his hand tenderly touched mine as he tried to convince me it was okay. He was a good looking man mind you, but the entire setting was disturbing.

            It isn’t okay. Though we ate a nice meal and the conversation turned in an entirely different direction than his initial intention, I offered to pay for the meal to make amends for my interrogation and misleading him. He insisted on paying and though I made it perfectly clear that I was not interested, he still tried. Ladies, they will always try.

I walked away from that date knowing my firm stance didn’t stop him from approaching another person in the future. So long as it wasn’t me giving away my soul, good luck to him and the sucker that’s desperate for attention.

             Yes, my girlfriends and I joke about a” Sugar Daddy” concept, hopefully before we turn into prunes from the signs of aging and the fatigue of raising our children. I’ve even suggested to them posting an ad that reads something like this:

            “Single hot mom looking for a Sugar Daddy. Will play VCR of your favorite porn show, will beat your ass if that’s your thing, will pole dance for you, but no touching.” I think several people would respond at that perverse ad. In my economic state, sure that would be great. But let’s face it: whether Sugar Daddy is attached or not, it’s another form of prostituion. I’m sure many women justify their needs and reasons. I am not one of them.

            Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t walk the Earth with a stringent moral code nor do I judge. I make mistakes as humans will and continue to do, but rather than punishing myself, I choose to learn from them. Most importantly I don’t intend on repeating the same mistakes, expecting a different result. I have had my one night stand and my illusion that a man will leave his then girlfriend for me, but those were both futile. I did not hate myself or agonize over those experiences, but I did leave feeling nothing. I realized I deserve more than nothing.

            So do you.